This Month’s Parenting Class: The Power of Empathy
My kids LOVE it when my husband and I tell them stories of when we were children. Their current favorite is a story about how my husband passed gas on a wooden pew in church. His mother was mortified. My kids love this, and not just because its about flagellants. That’s a given for sure. They love it because stories about our lives as children, give them insight into us. This is intimacy. Intimacy can also be defined as IN-TO- ME-SEE. I love my parents deeply and learned so much from them, but I often feel as if I never “Knew” them when I was a child. If you were to ask my 9-year-old self what my mother’s favorite color was, I would not have been able to tell you. Kids are naturally narcissistic. They are completely centered on themselves and the things that intentionally interact with them. It is hard for children of a certain age to look outside themselves. To focus on “OTHER.” When we share stories of ourselves with them, that interest them, we allow them to truly “See” outside of themselves and into us.
This is especially important when modeling Empathy. Empathy is the ability to see outside yourself and understand how a certain situation might affect someone else. Empathy is an important skill that teaches children to be compassionate and caring, and not children who “bully” other kids. Empathy teaches our children to love others as Christ loves us. Love is the model. How do we know how to love? We see it modeled in the way Christ has loved us.
This is especially true when disciplining our children. When our child fails we have an opportunity to share with them our own failures and how we identify with their feelings. This helps them not to feel alone in their failure or their anger, and discussing it with you, will combat their feelings of shame. When you are vulnerable and transparent with your children about your life, they feel connected to you. Close to you. They know that they can talk to you about anything because you have gone through the same things yourself.
Transparency and vulnerability may look different depending on the ages of your children. By all means, please don’t share deep personal things with children who are not emotionally old enough to process that information, but there are things about you that your children would benefit greatly knowing. Start with experiences you had when you were their age that they may not know about, tell them about thoughts and feelings you had at their age. Tell them about what made you proud of yourself; what you liked about yourself, what made you sad, fearful, angry or scared. Sharing these things with them lets them know they are not alone. Those feelings are normal. Talking to your kids at any age about your feelings, and identifying with their feelings even when they have made a poor choice in regards to their actions, promotes an Empathy that will combat feelings of shame and encourage connection. Jesus did this for us in the flesh when he was tempted with every temptation known to man. He wanted us to know that he understood us fully, and how human we are, and how easy it is to struggle with sin. He overcame our sin and shame and made a way to connect with us. He is the perfect model of empathy and He has empowered us as his children with Empathy, to defeat shame in our lives, and the lives of our children.
Video Archive
- Parenting Class 1: The Shema
- Parenting Class 2: Physical Changes in Teenagers
- Parenting Class 3: Rewind and Fast Forward
- Parenting Class 4: Rebel and Repeat
- Parenting Class 5: The Power of a Symbol
- Parenting Class 6: The Power of a Shared Experience
- Parenting Class 7: The Power of an Aplology
- Parenting Class 8: Sibling Rivalry
- Parenting Class 9: Harnessing Your Spiritual Influence
- Parenting Class 10: Planning “On Purpose” Time with Your Teenager
- Parenting Class 11: Taking Pride in Who God Made Them to Be
- Parenting Class 12: Responding vs. Reacting
- Parenting Class 13: Choosing Wisely
- Parenting Class 14: Failure and Success
- Parenting Class 15: Shepherding Their Heart
- Parenting Class 16: Friends
- Parenting Class 17: Broken Trust
- Parenting Class 18: Listening
- Parenting Class 19: Lines of Communication
- Parenting Class 20: Shared Hobby
- Parenting Class 21: Teens in Crisis
- Parenting Class 22: Training Your Teen to Be a Leader
- Parenting Class 23: Supporting Your Teenager’s Small Group
- Parenting Class 24: Investing in a Strong Relationship
- Parenting Class 25: Back to School
- Parenting Class 26: Guiding without Controlling
- Parenting Class 27: Thoughts on Praying for Your Teenager
- Parenting Class 28: Establishing a Trust Economy with Your Teenager
- Parenting Class 29: Helping Your Teenager Learn to Manage Money
- Parenting Class 30: Why Does Parenting Seem So Lonely?
- Parenting Class 31: How Do I Help My Teen Through the Death of a Friend?
- Parenting Class 32: How Do I Know When My Teen Needs Counseling?
- Parenting Class 33: Learning How to Apologize to My Teen
- Parenting Class 34: How to Stay Out of My Teen’s Drama
- Parenting Class 35: Knowing When to Stand Strong
- Parenting Class 36: Connecting with Your Gamer
- Parenting Class 37: What If Your Teenager Has a Bad Friend
- Parenting Class 38: Friendship Drama
- Parenting Class 39: How to Have a Tough Conversation with Your Teenager
- Parenting Class 40: Teens and Cell Phones
- Parenting Class 41: Looking for an Identity
- Parenting Class 42: Help Your Teen with Social Media
- Parenting Class 43: Is My Teenager Self-Obsessed?
- Parenting Class 44: The Pressure to Be Perfect
- Parenting Class 45: Cyberbullying
- Parenting Class 46: Goal Setting with Your Teenager
- Parenting Class 47: 3 Types of Spiritual Conversations You Can Have with Your Teenager
- Parenting Class 48: 3 Questions to Get Your Teenager to Start Talking
- Parenting Class 49: The 3 Seasons of Being a Teenager
- Parenting Class 50: Rage vs. Anger
- Parenting Class 51: Connecting Through the Written Word
- Parenting Class 52: Their Safe Place
- Parenting Class 53: Developing Gratefulness in Your Teen
- Parenting Class 54: Helping Your Teen Deal with Stress
- Parenting Class 55: Teaching Your Teen Responsibility
- Parenting Class 56: Helping Your Teen to Develop a Personal Devotional Life
- Parenting Class 57: A Godly Relationship vs. a Good Friendship with Your Teen
- Parenting Class 58: Teaching Your Teen to Be a Better Example to Younger Siblings
- Parenting Class 59: Shame vs. Guilt
- Parenting Class 60: Punishment vs. Discipline
- Parenting Class 61: Do I Parent Using Shame?
- Parenting Class 62: Parenting Yourself
- Parenting Class 63: Combating Shame